Thank Me Later

On failure, intuition, and the courage to choose yourself.

“I want to thank me. I want to thank me for believing in me, I want to thank me for doing all this hard work. I want to thank me for having no days off. I want to thank me for never quitting. I want to thank me for always being a giver and trying to give more than I receive. I want to thank me for trying to do more right than wrong. I want to thank me for being me at all times.” - Snoop Dogg.

I had to get it wrong to get it right.

It’s eclipse season right now. I recently moved to a new city, embarked on a new career journey, and have been doing a lot of reflection. Almost too much…

The first line from Snoop Dogg’s speech has echoed in my mind ever since I first saw an excerpt of it go viral on my feed years ago. My early adult years have been nothing short of formative and transformative. I’ve gone in a million directions, started countless projects, and had more “lightbulb” moments than I can count. But deep down, I’ve always known that all of it was superfluous—that my true purpose lived in something deeper. I also knew it would be revealed with time.

Now, looking back, I’ve realized that most of my post–high school years were about fighting back and silencing that inner voice. I convinced myself it was too good to be true. I thought following your passions and dreams was reserved for a lucky handful. Everything shifted during one of the most pivotal decisions of my life: my dropout era. I’ve mentioned this in a previous post, but I look back on that time with so much fondness. Despite it being the hardest season of my life, I’m unbelievably proud of 18-year-old me for choosing herself and trusting the unknown. With no plan and no idea of what was next, I had my first “awakening”. The realization that love, light, peace, and harmony are the only frequencies worth pursuing. That doesn’t mean life should be devoid of everything else, because that’s impossible in today’s world, but it does mean striving to stay as close as possible to inner equilibrium.

I was looking for answers, and soon learned that being “awakened” is ongoing work—you’re never done learning. That period of searching inward and in the natural world taught me everything I know now.

A few months later, four years ago now (holy shit), I defaulted into undergrad studies and over the years did various internships. They were necessary. Without trial and error, you can’t get anywhere. I cannot emphasize enough how important frustration and dissatisfaction are. They’re the fucking worst in the moment, but they become the driving force that propels you toward contentment. You need to be desperate enough to want to flip the switch and choose yourself, over and over again.

This past year, I spent much of my time bouncing between New York and Los Angeles, knowing the latter would eventually become home (it did!). I didn’t know how or why, aside from simply wanting it, but I just knew.

By February of this year, I was deep in the “post-grad blues.” I’d long fantasized about life after school, but freedom didn’t feel how I imagined. What do you mean I’m finally in charge of my own decisions, and it doesn’t even feel good?! I was horrified at the idea of the rest of my life resembling my coworkers’ lives. More importantly, I knew I was meant for something bigger—not in a conceited way, but in a deeply personal one.

So much of my life has been shaped by reading about extraordinary people, people who chose themselves despite the noise. If you know me, you know I live by the line: If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive. And I practice what I preach.

At the end of February, I was at a crossroads. I had everything I could need in New York—job, housing, my people—but my heart longed for California and for a life not spent entirely on Teams. This is where I might lose some of you, but during that week, I got a download from my guides and felt urgently called to LA. I always listen to my intuition, so the next day I was on a flight.

Landing at LAX, everything felt right again. The following day, I encountered several omens that confirmed my choice—but the real pivotal moment came later, when I met someone who changed the course of my life by revealing what I’d always felt but never fully seen. Twenty-four hours later, I was back in New York with a full heart. Mission accomplished.

On a call with the chief of staff, as he told me about my “bright future” at the company, I told him I was moving to Los Angeles. Nothing was set up for me there, but I trusted that part would soon materialize.

Now, six months later, I’ve never felt more fulfilled. Most of it comes from immense privilege, and I acknowledge that, but here’s the takeaway: nothing comes easy, and you have to fail to succeed. Failure isn’t the opposite of success, it’s the path to it. Failure brings you closer to yourself. Failure brings you closer to your destiny. The desire to win doesn’t come from winning. It comes from rising above failure, proving others wrong, and proving to yourself the worth you already feel inside.

Breaking the mold your environment created for you is hard, alienating, and lonely. But your soul will never feel as full as it does when you follow your dreams.

I’ve tried to write this post so many times, never sure where I wanted it to go. But maybe the whole point is this: you have to keep trying, keep starting over, keep following your intuition, and never letting your inner fire die—especially not just to build someone else’s dream.

Your time here is finite. Make sure you’re leaving a legacy you’re proud of.